It’s 1:32 am, so “Good Morning everyone!” It’s not an unusual time for me to be awake and working at the computer. But this time, it’s not finishing the bulletin or answering e-mails. Instead, I’m writing about the important things that are so much on my mind these days. 

 This latest reality check—a relative term describing what I see—is being fueled by my midnight reading of the many ever-present, up-to-the-minute digital newspapers. The headlines cover everything from, “Baghdad’s record heat offering a glimpse of the world’s climate change future,” to Great Britain’s, “plunge into a record shattering recession,” to a “ban by a Florida sheriff on the wearing of masks by both deputies and visitors.” And the reports from all over the world are similarly filled with Covid-19, social unrest, financial losses for the many affected by unemployment—and unprecedented gains by the richest of companies, etc. etc. Etc. Etc. ETC!

I look for direction because thoughts of “What can one person do?” are all running through the treadmill of my mind and going nowhere. I am reminded of the recent request by our Priest-in-Charge for us to write about “something.” Is this reflection what he had in mind? Do the early morning ramblings of an aging parishioner who has grown from a child who never spoke in front of adults, to a young adult who never spoke in any sort of public venue, to a white haired, left (heart) leaning, new age embracing (there’s really no-thing new under the sun), no longer shy, senior citizen - still with me? Do these thoughts really matter? 

Maybe or maybe not, but here goes. 

The endless array of articles is SCREAMing for my attention but I am especially focused on the one about the heat in Baghdad. “Why should I care?” I wonder as I sit here in a cool enough home with one window (not central) AC. I realize over and again when I read about living conditions in a large part of the world that I am living in the lap of luxury. From this vantage point, I quickly digress to the unfathomable inequalities that exist between the world’s richest and the poor. How much money does any one person really need? And what can any one person do to change a broken system?

Those of means in Baghdad are able to maintain an electricity powering source most of the time which runs cooling and other “necessities” while the poorer population, at best, has one fan and a couple of lights. With record high temperatures over 120°F occurring there, the poorest folks must survive the heat of a life-threatening situation. Why does this inequality exist in Baghdad and around the world? And where is the heart of Jesus that radiates pure love and compassion? How can there be such a huge chasm between the haves and the have nots? What can one person do?

From the haves and have nots I move on to conversations I have heard about how the programs that help the poor are being used by some who scam the system and should not be receiving aid. Yes, that is very likely true, and certainly people should be carefully screened, but how many are there who really cheat? And wouldn’t Jesus want us to feed too many, NOT too few? Some ask, “who are these people in need?” reciting that, “I pulled myself up by my bootstraps.” My thoughts turn to those with no boots and certainly no bootstraps. I realize the complexities of these questions, yet still wonder, where is the love and compassion of Jesus if not in OUR hearts? My heart? Again, I ask myself, What can one person do?

It’s now 2:36 am and I’m still no closer to an answer. My mind wanders until it rests on the huge issue of climate change. It is perhaps the most important of my many concerns because I realize that unless something is done now, maybe the rest of the headlines won’t matter anyway. I think of my precious grandkids, ages 8 and 12. In 2050, they will be 38 and 42. What will their lives be like? Is Baghdad a sign of things to come? I wonder: what if these young charges of ours, the children of the world, by then are living in dire conditions of heat and drought and famine because this white-haired rambling “stada baba” writing in the middle of the night did nothing to make a difference? But what can just one person do? 

(BTW a “stada baba” is a Polish phrase for an old woman with a babushka and though I don’t. yet wear one, I may soon don a similar item of apparel until this pandemic comes to a close and I dare to get my haircut.)

So many issues – racism and all the other “isms”, poverty, financial inequality, climate change, violence, democracy, voting rights, educational inequality, fear of differences, famine, COVID-19 and all life-threatening illnesses, inequality in accessing health care, fake news, real news, truth and lies – I sometimes choose to switch the channel to a Hallmark movie to maintain sanity. 

I know that I am blessed beyond measure. I am grateful beyond words. And I do watch, read and listen. Yet I still wonder: where is my heart of Jesus? What can this one old woman, with or without a babushka, do? What would Jesus do?

I remember writing my thoughts and concerns in a letter to my family right before the 2016 election (if you’re thinking “uh-oh”, you’re absolutely right). The letter brought mixed results at best. So here I am - writing again - and I dare say that we are in a very different place than we were just four short years ago – a place that seems far better for the wealthy than for the needy and seems filled with many frightening developments. 

What if no one hears? What if I alienate someone? Yet my fingers keep typing, and I keep asking, “Where is the heart of Jesus” who says, “feed the hungry?” What matters most?—my self-interests or the needs of those who are the “least of us?” Where is my heart of Jesus, and what can one person do?

My heart comes to rest on this: I can pray. I can pray for discernment and understanding, for a heart full of caring and compassion, and for guidance and empowerment to follow the heart of Jesus wherever it may lead. I am only one person. What can I do? I know that it matters! I listen to Jesus for my direction.